6 Days Overdue

Yesterday was terrible. I've never experienced quite so long and trying a Saturday. I'm to a point now where it is very difficult for me to make decisions - even simple ones like "what do you want to do right now?" All the great things I've been doing to keep me going through this - walking, sleeping, warm baths, reading, watching Season One of 24, sewing, going out to eat and for coffee with Seth and other friends - turned alarmingly dull yesterday. Seth was amazing through it and put up with a lot of crying. He also stepped in and made a bunch of decisions for me. I suppose, as I look back on it, yesterday was a pretty good, chill Saturday, but mentally and emotionally I'm fried. (Plus, my 3 hours of walking on Friday killed my feet, so now I'm cranky about that as well).

We ended up making waffles for breakfast, taking a couple of walks, going out for a late sushi lunch (don't worry, I ate all fully cooked food), heading to the downtown library, watching the ridiculous "Unaccompanied Minors" while eating fabulous Angus Beef hamburgers, reading and watching more 24.

Today has dawned with clear blue skies - it is gorgeous outside. Unfortunately, my feet and legs still really hurt, so I don't know how much I'll take advantage of the beautiful weather. I'm dreading going to church because I don't really want to see a ton of people who will say, "So, no baby yet" or ask how I'm doing. (I'm not sure what to say to people anymore when they ask how I'm doing - I'm okay, but really not okay at the same time). Still, I'm sure we'll go, and I'm sure that continuing with as much of our normal routine as possible will help make time move more quickly. The other part of going to church that worries me, too, is I always end up crying when I start to pray. I hate being the largely pregnant woman, sitting in a pew (or anywhere), crying while everyone else is singing or praying or listening to the sermon. Alas...

So, my fears are mounting in regard to my body "knowing what to do." It's getting more and more nerve wracking to have to lay down and do kick counts because this kid keeps getting bigger and bigger and doesn't move nearly as violently as before. Every part of my body hurts and continues to swell or spread. I'm beginning to worry that since I'm fairly depressed now I'm not going to deal well with the sudden flux in hormones that will come with actually delivering this baby and I'll end up being even more depressed afterward. And, I'm still crazy worried that I'm not going to have this child before my mother shows up next Wednesday. I really, really, REALLY don't want to still be pregnant when she gets here. I want to have this whole labor thing out of the way before anyone other than Seth and I is hanging around. We had hoped we'd get a day or so, too, to settle in at home before company/help came... alas again... even if I have this kid today we'll just be getting home from the hospital when my mom arrives.

Thanks again everyone for your thoughts, prayers, emails and phone calls. We do feel especially loved and supported right now, even if frustration wins out some of the time. Please be praying that this baby comes naturally and SOON. You may also pray that I don't have to be committed to an insane asylum in the next few days if the baby doesn't come soon enough. I'm very nervous about tomorrow and Seth heading back to work if we don't have the baby today. Being home alone is pretty tortuous right now.